"C'est la vie" by Pascal Garnier

A prize-winning author gets into trouble in this unconventional novella which mixes detective noir with Kafka. The plot, at times farcically surreal, upends the conventions of the crime novel. Moments of metafiction bleed into the narrative. But this principal delight lies in the acerbic asides on modern life mixed with some stratlingly original descriptions. Read the selected quotes!

Selected quotes:

• “Time had acted on him like a steamroller, he was all long and flat.” (Prologue: Damien)
• “It's not easy to escape the shipwreck of the forties, swimming in a dead sea as thick as pea soup, with that island on the horizon that shrinks as you approach it.” (Prologue: Helene)
• “You can make a fire with any kind of wood” (III)
• “We looked out at the night with its mysteries, all the childhood fears hidden in the forest, our eyes reflecting the white headlights of the oncoming cars and the red lights of those we overtook, as we disappeared into an uncertain future.” (III)
• “I don't like cars. They smell, they kill and they make people crazy.” (III)
• “The good old days ... generally, are not as good as all that.” (III)
• “The fauna of a service station is similar to that found in the bottom of a ditch: albino shrimps who emerge from the ladies’ loos accompanied by the sound of flushing toilets, molluscs decked out in leather or quilted nylon, holding their helmets, amongst the shelves groaning with silly animal soft toys, dried out slices of cake, and compilation cassettes.” (IV)
• “You've no idea what it's like to be a loser; you've never lost anything because you've never had anything to lose.” (V)
• “Music that sounded like bed springs creaking under the bouncing of overexcited children.” (V)
• “All they had was their bodies; the rest was just a badly packed bag of half-baked ideas that would never come to fruition.” (V)
• “Nothing had changed since the dawn of time. Since the Lascaux caves. As soon as night falls we still gather together around any vague light, drowning our sorrows in primitive music and intoxicating substances.” (VI)
• “The road seemed to be paved in shining liquorice, splashed with the lights of the city; we were wading through pools of stars.” (VII)
• “The gun hung between her knock-knees like useless genitals.” (IX)
• “Never venture behind the scenes. The green rooms of performers are crammed with terrifying disappointments.” (XIII)

Synopsis: spoiler alert

In the Prologue, subtitled 'The Way Things Were', we are introduced to the protagonist-narrator, alcoholic, penniless Jean-Francois Columbier and his spoiled son, Damien and ex-wife Helene. In the main section, entitled 'To Me!', he has become famous and wealthy. He reads a paperback thriller, some lines of which will predict the subsequent adventure. In an attempt to escape the pressures of this, he goes on a journey with his son, now a cocaine addict who is having an affair with Helene, ending up in a house party. He then has to escape from this with Agathe who steals his wallet, leaving him destitute in the middle of a town he does not know. Calling a thalidomide victim lawyer who earlier gave him a card, he seeks refuge, dancing with the lawyer's mother, but the 'lawyer' turns out to be a con artist who, in league with Agathe, claims Columbier raped her and demands 100,000 francs. A scuffle ends up with Columbier shooting the lawyer dead and then fleeing the house. He collapses. Coming round in a hospital, he takes refuge in pretending to be a mute. After a farcical suicide attempt, Agathe reappears, returning the wallet, and telling him the police are treating the murder as a killing by the mother who subsequently shot herself.

July 2026; 115 pages

First published in French by Zulma in 2001

My English translation by Jane Aitken was issued in paperback by Gallic Books in 2019

This review was written by

the author of Bally and Bro, Motherdarling 

and The Kids of God