"No Accident" by Robert Crouch

A well-written whodunnit murder mystery which manages to be original while conforming to the genre.

Kent Fisher is everything you would expect the protagonist of a murder mystery to be. He has an antagonistic past relationship with the chief suspect, he has a colourful history and traumatic personal life, he fails to play by the rules (which gets him suspended, of course!), he has a glamorous (though not stupid) side-kick, he cracks not-very-good jokes, he picks up on inconsequential details and his obsession with the case leads to a situation where he could lose everything. But, uniquely in my experience, he is an Environmental Health Officer who normally checks the hygiene standards of restaurants (and this corner of East Sussex appears to specialise in filthy kitchens) but on this occasion is called to investigate what appears to be a fatal work accident. 

Which means, of course, no forensic team taking the guesswork out of the investigation and ruining the fun.

It's an energetic and convoluted classic of the genre. It started sedately, with some original settings, convincingly described, and the careful development of some fascinating characters. Around the half-way mark, the pace picks up and the revelations and twists start to pour in. In the final quarter, the hunt for the killer becomes a thrilling chase with heavily built henchmen, secret passages and guns. 

I wasn't entirely convinced by the final solution to the crime and there were perhaps too many characters (next time I'll write a list). But who could fail to be entertained by a story that has everyone and everything including a cabinet minister, a sleazy casino owner, a Wild West theme park, a family that dates to before the Conquest, a stately home turned into a hotel, an animal rescue centre and a Westie named Columbo? It even included advice on how to clean a microwave oven: “Half fill a jug of water and add a few drops of lemon juice. Two to three minutes on full power and the steam will lift the grease." (Ch 54)

This was a well-written page-turner that took me for a fun romp across the South Downs. 

Selected quotes:

• “Still trying to be the comedian instead of the joke" (Ch 3)
• "He’s not a bad cook for a Scenes of Crime Officer. When he retired three years ago his cooking was as dire as his DIY skills. For someone who could piece together a crime scene from fragments and minute traces, he couldn’t assemble a cupboard from a flat pack." (Ch 14)
• "She never wore makeup, rarely smiled, and preferred to live in the past, which I suppose you would if you taught history." (Ch 16)
• "It’s difficult to imagine this clandestine world coexisting with the peaceful one I inhabit. In my world, the biggest crime, ... is to build social housing in villages." (Ch 46)
• “Miss McNamara will see you in her suite, Mr Fisher. She wishes to know if your visit is social or antisocial.” (Ch 51)
• "Mike once did an astronomy course there and was upset when they didn’t award stars for good work." (Ch 55)

September 2024

This review was written by the author of Bally and Bro, Motherdarling  and The Kids of God