"Conrad Monk and the Great Heathen Army" by Edoardo Albert

Those missing the great liar, coward, braggart and politically incorrect cad Harry Flashman as chronicled in the novels of George MacDonald Fraser might like this book. Conrad is a coward whose fear of sharp steel is even greater than his love of bright gold who does his best to cheat and charm his way to stay alive and profit while the Vikings are invading the England that will soon by ruled by Alfred the Great.

Some great moments:

• “He’s a heathen,” I said. “A heathen from the Great Heathen Army, who has just been pillaging a monastery. How much more heathen can you get?” (C 1)
• "Hope is what gives people reason to rise from their sleep and face another day of toil." (C 1)
• "Hope is what keeps fools going." (C 1)
• "Curiosity has always been my besetting sin. Well, no it hasn’t; cupidity, concupiscence and cowardice have warmer places in my heart, but I preferred to have a quaternary of errors rather than a trinity of faults" (C 3)
• "I stopped thrashing around. I could have been lying there naked, humping a hog, and no one would have noticed." (C 4)
• "I would have to come up with a better plan than swipe and ride." (C 5)
• "Skill, strength, courage: none of them mattered a jot in battle compared to fortune’s favour. And the greatest favour fortune could bestow, and one with which I co-operated wholeheartedly, was to avoid battle altogether." (C 5)
• "His body slowly subsided to the ground, like a candle with an untrimmed wick burning down on one side." (C 6)
• "I would only fight the Danes if the odds were four to one in my favour and I could hide at the back." (C 9)
• "Which was when I realised what that emotion was: gratitude. The reason for my failure to recognise it became clear. I had not seen gratitude directed towards me very often." (C 15)
• "Really, the only joy of riding with a defeated army is the knowledge that you have not been left for the ravens." (C 18)

Fun

June 2020