Dave's Book Blog: "Maybe the world will end so we won't have to" by Natasha Bell

Saturday, 19 September 2026

"Maybe the world will end so we won't have to" by Natasha Bell

Autofiction layered. Tasha, ie the author (and we learn that 'Bell' is a pseudonym) decides to write about her life by creating herself as a character called Harriet Payne (aka Harry) who herself has the idea to write an autofictional novel representing herself as a character called Natalie Lucas.

There are meditations on writing and, in particular, writing about the people one loves and lives with, no matter how disguised.

I found the start very slow. The first quarter of the book meanders as it sets the scene, building up the characters, exploring the themes of autofiction and the writer's life. “While novels need plot and autobiographies need chronological timelines, autofiction’s organising force is emotion, so it doesn't require either.” (Ch 6) I wasn't sure, on the evidence of this first section of the book, that I agreed.

And this was yet another book about the tribulations of writing another novel. Her character, Natalie, asks: “Does the world really need another book about how hard it is to write a book?” (The Last Word). No, it doesn't.

I contemplated abandonment.

Furthermore, It seemed as if the book was aimed at a readership that not only ignored me but semi-actively excluded me. After all, this is about creative lesbians and I'm a straight male. What should I make of statements such as: “She scrolls on, dismissing quotes from Hemingway and David Foster Wallace as male and uninteresting.” (Ch 2) or “She acknowledges that there are some perfectly nice men, even of the cis-white variety.” (Ch 3)? The "some" and "even" made me feel unwanted. Since 'Harry' seems to read almost exclusively female authors, maybe I should reciprocate. But I decided that would limit my horizons and I wanted to expand them. Isn't that the point of fiction? for the reader to explore new worlds and meet new people, whether they be burnt out cops, daredevil spies, African villagers, Cornish lovers from the eighteen hundreds ... So I persevered.

I'm glad I did. At the 25% turning point, Harry's partner, Ellen, becomes ill. Harry decides write a story in which Natalie's partner (also called Ellen) dies from the same illness, in the hope that the fates will be confounded and Harry's Ellen will survive. At last some real-life drama to which I could relate. Plus, I very much appreciated this really clever idea, whether the Fates, symbolised by a spider spinning its web, could be manipulated and defrauded, especially as it was elaborated into the story of Arachne.

And I enjoyed the added twist that Harry daren't tell Ellen that she is not only using her life as a story ("did it not occur to you that maybe I don't want everyone knowing that I could be shitting into a bag soon?"; Ch 11) but also that, in the story, Ellen dies. This means that, at some stage Ellen is probably going to find out that Harry has been imagining her death .... This ratchets up the tension nicely.

So, in the end, the autofictional conceit interacted with the very human jeopardy to create a haunting dilemma. And perhaps the slow build-up was needed to achieve this degree of reader empathy. Perhaps.

I also enjoyed the fact that the Acknowledgements involved the character of Natasha who has a dialogue with the author Tasha in The Last Word, which follows the Acknowledgements; thus spreading the story beyond its usual confines, in the way that some films include sometimes meaningful out-takes after the credits or the way Alasdair Gray inserted into early editions of his novel Lanark an erratum slip which read 'This erratum slip has been inserted by mistake'. A character arguing with the author reminded me of Flann O'Brien's brilliant metafiction At Swim-Two-Birds (another novel which starts slowly; perhaps it is a characteristic of the genre).

So I'm glad I stuck with it. In the end it was an enjoyable and even gripping read. And there were some flashes of genius, including “The closest she's ever come to a radical subculture is getting a piggyback from a drag queen at Brighton Pride.” (Ch 5) which made me laugh out loud.

Selected quotes:

“Stuck on a Mobius strip of her own bad mood.” (Ch 3)
“Most of life is just an ugly scribble along the middle line.” (Ch 3)
“The streetlamp puddles like liquid around their feet.” (Ch 5)
“Her thoughts flickering like a worn-out projector.” (Ch 5)
“The problem with trying to harness potential is that it increases the stakes of failure.” (Ch 8)
“She had a tutor once who asked them to switch their first and last lines, to see what reconstruction was necessary to create symmetry.” (Ch 11)
“What, after all, is writing, but an attempt to secure the last word?” (Ch 13)
“You’re meant to come here and allow the road to change you, right? what is a pilgrimage if not a belief in story?” (Acknowledgements)
“Your male characters rarely have two brain cells to rub together in order to contemplate their own abandonment.” (The Last Word)